An Open Letter to Bernd Schuster

Dear Mr. Schuster,

I want to thank you for your recent kind words, with which you stated Liverpool are a force in Europe and would (once again) be a contender, along with your Real Madrid squad, for this year’s Champions League gong.

I would rate Liverpool, like Milan, as our major rivals for the Champions League this season. They never tire of winning big trophies.

You should also be commended in providing the boys with some bulletin board material, although the squad seems properly inspired already and I have my doubts as to whether Rafa motivates his team with such methods.

Liverpool rely on an unattractive style of football. They are an ugly team to play.

It’s refreshing to see a potential rival coach continue to cling to outdated notions of how a club may have played or had a reputation for playing. Understand, I use the word ‘rival’, because you’re new at Real Madrid and haven’t actually done a damned thing there yet to truly prove you’re on equal ground. Should our paths cross come 2008’s knock-out stage, I would urge you not to bother scouting Liverpool, but just assume that we’re still an ugly defensive team who doesn’t attack, but prefers to sit in our own half for 90 minutes.

Obviously, your time would be better spent scouting other English teams.

My preference would be to graft the Manchester United attack on to Chelsea’s defence. That would be perfect.

I think that’s a fine idea. I’d certainly choose a defence that has been unable to keep Liverpool out of the CL final two of the past three years. But, then again, defence really hasn’t been a specialty at Madrid in recent seasons, has it? But, I, unlike other people, can recognize when change is afoot. It looks as if you’ve (well, maybe not you… but the club or the president who’s going to can your ass) actually signed on some players who know what they’re doing back there. Question is, do you know what you’re doing? Can you actually get them to play?

Time should tell, since you had shaped Getafe into quite a defensive team in your short stay with that club. Granted, neither your outstanding defense or apparent taste for beautiful and flairful footy were enough to see the club above a seventh-place finish. In fact, didn’t y’all finish ninth last term and completely miss out on European qualification?

I wouldn’t worry about it too much, though. Because even if you do manage to win some silverware, you’ll likely find yourself with a knife plunged into back come season’s end. Surely you don’t think you’ll have more staying power than your predecessor, the more talented Fabio Capello?

But at the very least, kudos to you, kind sir. Kudos for helping to enhance our already-popular reputation within most of Spain, who hate you and your club with the fires of a thousand suns.

See you next year, assbag.




3 Responses to “An Open Letter to Bernd Schuster”

  1. 1 Georger September 5, 2007 at 3:21 pm

    my only hope is that this douchebags continued douchebaggery and sends sergio ramos looking for greener pastures with his good friend mister torres

  2. 2 joefootball September 7, 2007 at 12:35 am

    i think hes a b grade coach … sur madrid have won 2 in a row (and 5-0 on the weekend) but by the end of th yr, they will have won nothing, and by next yr, Madrid will have a new coach … the circus that madrid is will continue on


  3. 3 Agent Johnson September 7, 2007 at 11:32 am

    “fires of a thousand suns,” nice.

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