I saw this humorful piece over at the ever-sublime McSweeney’s and wanted to share it with y’all. Written by Jamie Allen, ‘Other Moments in a Soccer Player’s Life’ is a wonderful send-up of the theatrics so often seen on the pitch
Sergio and Sheri are at the seal exhibit at SeaWorld. Like the other tourists around them, they have bought a small carton of fish. They are leaning over the railing to the exhibit, tossing the fish to the appreciative, barking seals, which stand on rocks and along the exhibit’s ledge.
When they get to the last fish, Sheri lets Sergio take it. He tosses it to his favorite seal, the playful one, but the seal is busy catching a fish from a nearby little girl. Sergio’s fish bounces off the seal’s face and falls down a grate between the exhibit and the railing. Gone forever.
Sergio drops to his knees and puts his hands on his head, interlocking his fingers, staring silently into the distance. He holds this pose for at least a minute. It’s impossible to tell if he thinks the blunder was his fault, or the seal’s.
I highly recommend reading the whole essay. It’s quite amusing.